Damn You Derek Morgan
by Eurral Eseret
Summary: After Reid gives the diagnosis of what seems to be a bump on Emily's wrist, Morgan offers to carry out one of the home remedies. Hilarity ensues.


**A/N: My first Criminal Minds FanFic... and the inspiritaion came from me currently having a ganglion cyst.**

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Damn You Derek Morgan

"Ow!" Emily hissed under her breath as she continued to type on the keyboard. She drew in a breath, using her other hand to massage her sore wrist.

Dr. Reid looked up from his case file, giving Prentiss a concerned glance.

"Is there something wrong with your hand?" He asked her.

Prentiss looked up at the young genius.

"Hm? Oh. Yeah… there's this bump on my wrist. I noticed it a few days ago but I thought that if I waited, it would just go away." She explained, looking back down at the joint. "I think it's just getting bigger."

Reid's eyebrows furrowed together as he stood up to lean over the divider that separated their desks.

"Here, let me see." He offered.

Morgan looked over from his seat in interest as Prentiss offered the limb to Reid.

"What's going on?" Derek asked, setting a case report in his lap. He watched as Reid scrutinized what seemed to be a lump inside of Emily's skin.

"Huh." Reid said in a fascinated tone, his eyes narrowed as he turned Prentiss' wrist over in his hands. "Looks like Prentiss has a ganglion cyst."

Prentiss' eyes grew wide, a panicked look coming across her features.

"I have a _what?_" She exclaimed.

Reid looked back to her face, releasing her arm as he sat back down in his chair.

"A ganglion cyst. It's a cystic structure that's formed from the leakage of synovial fluids. It's not cancerous or anything like that, but it can become quite a bother." Reid explained.

Prentiss relaxed a bit after that, but then just went back to being frustrated. She wrapped her other hand around her wrist and began to massage it once again.

"Yeah it hurts like hell…" She mumbled.

"Well does it ever go away?" Morgan asked. His chair was now facing towards them, having been sucked into the situation.

Reid took the pencil out from behind his ear and reached for the case file he had set on his desk.

"Sometimes they dissipate on their own, but the odds of it going away without treatment are rather slim." He answered in an absent-minded way as he returned to work.

"Well then how do I treat it?" Prentiss demanded.

Reid looked back up to his audience.

"Oh, well you can really only do it one of two ways." He said, "One being that you go the doctor's office in order to get it removed by needle, but since the cyst lining would remain the fluids return about 50% of the time."

"Well then what's the other way?" Morgan questioned.

Reid turned to the man, puckering his face in what seemed to be almost an amused look.

"Smash it with a book." He said simply, shrugging his shoulders.

Both Prentiss and Morgan gave him a look of disbelief.

"Excuse me?" Prentiss exclaimed.

Reid's mouth pulled up into a half smile as he turned back to Emily.

"Ganglion cysts actually used to be referred to as 'bible bumps'. Poor families were not able to afford professional medical treatment, and since even the most deprived household often possessed a bible, they would use this book in order to smash the cyst. There's controversy over how healthy this method is, but it does help destroy the cyst lining… which, in the end, decreases the chance of it ever showing up again." Reid elaborated.

Prentiss continued to stare at Reid with her mouth wide open and her eyelids taped to her forehead. Morgan, however, had a different look on his face.

Derek smirked to himself as he leaned over to open a drawer of his desk. He stifled through a few papers until he found what he was looking for: Webster's third addition, hard-cover dictionary.

"Hey Prentiss!" He called, approaching her desk with the book in his hands.

Prentiss closed her mouth, tearing her eyes away from Spencer in order to direct her attention to Morgan. Her eyes immediately were drawn to the thick hard-cover book that he held in his right hand, and then shot back up to the smirking man's face.

"Oh no…" She said slowly.

"Oh yes." Derek replied, "Lay your arm out on the desk."

Emily's eyes went wide again.

"No!" She exclaimed, holding her wrist tightly to her chest as if someone could just walk by and rip it off her body.

"Why not?" Morgan complained, "You said the thing was bothering you!"

Reid couldn't help but look back and forth between the two with minor amusement.

"I am not going to let you hit me with that thing! You'll break my wrist!" She shouted.

Morgan laughed at that, and then leaned against her desk with one arm.

"Come on Emily; I won't hit you that hard." He said in a smooth voice, pulling out one of his famous 'Derek Morgan' charming smiles.

Emily rolled her eyes at him, reaching over to grab a pen out of her BAU mug. Morgan saw this as an opportunity to snatch the limb from her will, and hold it down flat against the desk.

"Derek!" Prentiss shouted in distress, but it was too late. Morgan had already slammed the dictionary down against the joint with a decent amount of force.

"DEREK! DAMN YOU!" She gasped, now clutching her wrist for dear life. Morgan broke out into hysterics, having been thoroughly amused by the look on Prentiss' face.

"Come now Prentiss, doesn't it feel better?"

Emily looked up at him, her eyes now narrowed in a nasty glare.

"NO!" She yelled.

Derek rolled his eyes as he began to return back to his desk.

"_MORGAN!_" She shouted after him.

"What?" He asked while chuckling, turning back around.

"THAT WAS THE WRONG WRIST!"

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**A/N: Poor Prentiss :( I dunno about you, but I would not want Morgan smacking my wrist with a dictionary... My dad wants to smash my cyst with a book too...hence why I'm hiding from him... **


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